


Can You Keep a Secret

by bloodspatter



Category: Harrow (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Gen, M/M, Mentions of canon-typical violence, Season 1, Secrets, Sorry not sorry Simon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 09:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21177011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodspatter/pseuds/bloodspatter
Summary: Harrow’s secret is out, or at least he thinks so. It’s a good thing Simon has had a lot of practice in keeping secrets.(Simon's thoughts after he finds out what Harrow did to Quinn and covers for him)





	Can You Keep a Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when the season 1 finale happened, finally got around to posting it here. I haven't finished season 2 yet but when I do, maybe there will be some more fic on the way.

Simon finally takes a breath the moment Harrow steps off the boat. The sea air is stifling, even more so than the cool air from below deck. The pier undulates beneath his feet and threatens to upturn his stomach. 

No, he’s always had steady sea legs. Sea sickness is beyond him. This is something else, something with a more interior cause. This is horror, plain and simple, roiling in his gut and threatening to spill out all over the wooden planks beneath him and slip beneath the waves. 

“Fuck,” he says to no one, hands sliding through his hair. “Fucking fuck fuck.”

Why would Harrow tell him that? Why would Harrow trust him? Him of all people? He adds another, “fuck,” for good measure. 

Simon has dealt with a lot of secrets, or at least a few pertinent ones. He’d kept himself neatly in the closet for years, kept his feelings about his boss secret too. No one was going to learn that, least of all Harrow himself. The mortification alone might kill Simon. 

And Harrow  _ trusts _ him, which makes matters all the more worse. Simon knows what he needs to do. The phone in his hand glares up at him. He just needs to call 000 and be done with this mess. He can't bring himself to do it. He  _ knows _ Harrow. Harrow trusts him. He trusts him too. Simon's half in love with him for god's sake. 

Simon knows what he needs to do, but does the opposite instead, not what he wants to do, but what he feels that he has to. God, it would be so much easier if he could just break his own heart.

. . .

It wasn't so hard to steal the key card. It wasn't so hard to steal the glorified scissors from the display cabinet either. And it wasn't so hard to place them in the locked box on Harrow’s boat. It was all so  _ easy _ . That's what it must have felt like for Harrow, disposing of that lowlife’s body. So easy. 

And then it’s done. Harrow is safe. Simon knows it, knows that the cops, that  _ Dass _ , won’t be able to prove anything. Harrow just needs to keep his mouth shut and trust that Simon will do the same. 

They will. Simon knows he will. This trust between them is dangerous, maybe even more so than their secrets. This trust between them means there will be more secrets, more lies to tell and more webs to be caught up in and try to untangle without losing every thread. This trust between them is going to blow up, destroy them, and break Simon’s heart in the process. But that’s what trust is, right? Trusting that the other won’t let that happen. It’s a mess, a fucking insane mess, but Simon can’t let Harrow down. 

He can’t believe that this is his life now: covering for a murderer. Simon mentally calculates the years he’d get for it, with his polished record and his position under Harrow, would he get away without punishment? It isn’t like he killed a man. A very specific and connected man. He just stole a bonecutter to protect the man that did. Totally not as bad. God, he hopes so. He won’t survive prison. 

It would be worth it though, a snide part of him thinks. It would be worth that to keep Harrow safe. That’s why Harrow did it too, to keep the people he cared about safe. 

Harrow won’t turn him in or let him take the fall. Simon won’t let him either. 

. . .

Harrow finds him later, tired eyes looking all the more weary as they glance upon Simon, the weight of knowing bearing down on his shoulders. The office feels smaller than ever, the walls piled high with books of every description closing in like a nightmare in a library. 

“You shouldn't have done that,” Harrow tells him, not specifying which ‘that’ he means. “You shouldn’t have done that for  _ me _ .”

No, Simon shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have done any of it, but he couldn’t sit by and watch Harrow be taken away. He should have called the cops, called Dass, and had this done and wrapped up before the day was over. He should have made an anonymous call, suggested the information he knew he had, and hung up before they could get his name. 

But no. He couldn’t lose him, he refuses to, and if that meant breaking more laws than he cared to count, so be it. Harrow thinks Simon did this for him, and he did, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it for himself too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing he could have done something to protect Harrow and failed.

Simon’s not even too sure what Harrow did was wrong, and that in itself feels like an admission too far. “We’re in this together,” he says. All this affection, this sacrifice, tells how much he cares, but Simon keeps his voice cold as he tells Harrow, “so don't lie to me again.” 

He swallows down his hypocrisy, the lies and truths that he keeps to himself for all matter of reasons. Reasons and truths and lies, he doesn’t know which is which some days. But no, he won’t tell Harrow that. Some secrets are best kept secret, after all. Just like this one. 

But it’s true, he needs the truth about this. He’s in this, he’s complicit now, beyond simply knowing. He’s a part of this, and Harrow can’t hide from him, or risk them both rotting away in a prison cell. He needs the truth from Harrow in the future, and to do that, to ensure that, Simon has to keep a few secrets to himself. He can do that. 

Confusion still furrows Harrow's brow, but he nods his acknowledgement. “Simon, I-”

But Simon just shakes his head, cutting Harrow off. Apologies are worthless right now, they won’t fix what has been done, what has been said, and what remains unspoken. Simon might love the man, but this is going to take some time to come back from. 

_ FIN _


End file.
